I am overwhelmed with the number of people who need to be updated about our sweet little one as they pray. I have decided to write this blog entry as an update as I am both blessed and overwhelmed by the phone calls.
On Friday, we learned that our little one has suffered some serious developmental complications. Our baby was stiff and unresponsive, and it broke my heart to think this formerly fluttery little angel was trapped in a broken body. The weekend of waiting for a follow-up appointment on Monday was excruciating, and our eyes still burn from crying, but we felt your hope and faith when ours hangs by a thread. We also saw an answer to prayer in the baby’s responsiveness and drastic change in position, which allowed us to find out the sex. It’s a boy! It did my heart good to know that he is no longer trapped in an uncomfortable position. Even as I write, I can feel his lazy late morning movements.
Our time with this precious one is limited, as he has characteristics of either trisomy 13 or 18, either of which limit his days of life outside the womb anywhere from 0 to 2 years (with significant surgical intervention). We have decided to celebrate his short but valuable life by giving him his first name now: Samuel. It means “God has heard.” We will announce his middle name when he is born.
We are overwhelmed with what lays before us. We have multiple doctors and appointments with each, a desire to make Sammy’s little life as comfortable, loving, and joyful as possible, plans for his medical care and eventual homegoing, emotions to sort through, and pickles and peanut butter to eat as I am still very much pregnant and Sam still eats like a little Piglet, as he’s affectionately known. His heartbeat is strong and my appetite is voracious. And every time I start to act like it’s over, Sam gives me a kick or a punch to bring me back to the moment.
I wanted to tell a little story about Sam that I have held in my heart since it happened. A few weeks back, I took communion at church. Before the bread could make it down my throat, he was dancing and fluttering like he never had before. There was a big celebration going on in my womb, and I am sure Sam’s spiritual responsiveness brought a big smile to God’s eyes. This is who I am carrying. This is his life.
As we walk through this portion of Sam’s life, we are grateful for your prayers. Pray for his spiritual protection, his physical comfort, and for this miracle: that we would have time to love on our precious baby before he goes home. Thank you for walking with us in this joyful and sorrowful time.