February 18, week from today, we will be celebrating Sammy’s birthday. I feel like it’s looming, for some reason, and it makes me kind of nervous. It’s not as though I am anticipating a big event… it’s just the day that will mark a year, which makes the time that has passed seem so much more final. Anyway, I love the photos of his name that I have received so far, and if you had plans to send a photo and have not gotten around to it, here’s your reminder! 🙂
And here’s some photos that anyone but our family will find boring, I think. We have acquired the crib, the car seat, and a take-along swing!
It is strange to carry both grief and joy at the same time. Several of my closest friends and family have acknowledged this, and I am so touched. You would think these emotions would oppose one another, but I am finding that one enhances the other. I am grateful to be grieving and celebrating my first little boy, Sam. I am equally grateful to be gathering baby things and eagerly anticipating my second son whose name I will NOT blurt out (Shannon!). I was afraid that in finding out that this little one is another boy, I might feel like I was carrying Sam again. But I envision them, two very different brothers with their arms around one another, dressed in overalls, posing for a picture for my imagination. Several of my loved ones have wondered with me if Sam knows, if maybe God told him about his little brother. I hope so.
My good friend Jen wrote about grief and joy, and her blog entry has echoed in my heart since she wrote it. Read it, will you?