Four Seasons by SW Gillen

It’s been eight months since Ezra was born, two months since we moved, and one month since I got my very own washing machine.

Washing is going well, and it sure beats handwashing. We enjoy sunshine almost every day throughout the year, so even the snow can’t stop us from drying clothes outside. It sounds ridiculous, but the few minutes I spend outside, pinning clothes to the line are like a moment to breathe. So therapeutic. There is something about moving slowly that makes me conscious of my breath, and the fact that each one is God-given.

The move… has been an uncomfortable transition. Ezra stopped sleeping through the night. Woe. Is. Me. Landing midwinter has proven to be a difficult time, but we have made the best of it. We have a few boxes of decorations to unpack, but everything else is in its place. The walls are bare, but every room is functional except for the sunroom, which is FREEZING this time of year. It can wait. We are settling in.

This house… it is like God had us in mind when He inspired the floorplan back in the 1920s. There is so much about it that is perfect for us, so much that speaks to God’s perfect knowledge of our needs and desires. We are dreaming of a ping pong table for the basement, organizing the sunroom for our creative endeavors (Steven has model airplanes, my art), collecting woodworking tools for Steven’s work shed in the back, hosting dinners in the dining room once we find the perfect chairs to go with our table. It’s fun to make plans and watch them unfold…. it’s patience as they unfold that gets tricky. Everything in its season.

Steven’s job has not been what we expected in so many ways–the most blaring of which is the fact that he and his coworkers haven’t had as much work as anticipated when he was hired. This left us reeling for a week or two. We wondered, Did we make this move in haste? Should we even be in this city? We had such hopes that this move would usher us into a time of rest, and we felt tricked into hoping. But as we regained our balance, we realized the Lord is redirecting our path in a way we were not expecting.

Isn’t that how He always works? In an unexpected way?

We shed some tears, I threw a fit (or two… or three…), and we stood up and dusted ourselves off. “We are supposed to be here,” Steven insisted, after much time in prayer, and I began to believe him. We had landed at a church that, we found out later, had been praying for young families to join its membership. It was the first and only church we had visited, and we knew after two visits that God would have us stay. There is something there for us, and something in us for it.

As Steven processed the turn of events, he too found a previously considered but untried path lit before him. This blog is about my own endeavors and musings, so I won’t go into his personal journey through this. I will say that his own dreams and callings are before him, beckoning him to step out in faith. I am excited for him. This disappointment was such a blow for us at first, but God’s hand was in it calling us to more.

We came here thinking we would find rest in steady employment, a break from trial after trial. Instead, we found our expectations shaken up, and rest came in a different form, but came anyway when we began to accept it. On the days Steven didn’t have work, the three of us spent winter mornings snuggling in bed, leisurely breakfast and coffee in our sunny little nook off the kitchen. We went on adventures, exploring our new city together with time we had never had before. And we began making peace and finding joy in this restructured plan.

As I reeled, I wondered if I should go back to work. Steven and I had so deeply desired that I stay home with Ezra. It felt like a God-given desire, but maybe I was being called to hold it loosely. Then, at just the right time, my desire to stay home was preserved. It occurred to me to dust off an offer made a few months prior and was unable to accept, a part-time job redesigning my family’s business website, among other responsibilities. I feel gifted for this task in this perfect timing. I enjoy the chance to venture outside motherhood for a few hours, to see the fruit of my labor.

It’s for this reason that I redesigned my blog–to keep things simple as my life has gotten busier and my need for an outlet ever stronger. I began this blog as a chance to share with others who are interested in our story, as well as a way to document the evolution of our home. Even through the busyness, it needs to evolve to suit the season so that I can continue to document our lives. And what a season we are in.

Just as all of this was happening, I noticed that after playing with other babies in church nursery, Ezra was so excited and energized, he would hit a new milestone almost every Sunday. I am a homebody, so I tended to create fun and quiet activities mostly at home for us. Time to rethink this, I realized, and I began to overhaul my home-centered habits. I began to seek opportunities for our little social butterfly to be out and about as often as possible. He almost jumps out of my arms at nursery, loves to take in his surroundings and observe people while we walk or run errands, LOVES the library and storytime, enjoys the baby area in the museum.

I cannot believe my sweet boy, my rainbow after the storm, is eight months old. With wonder, I watch his confidence blossom day by day. He loves to eat (babyled weaning is still going well), loves to nurse, loves bedtime (I’m not kidding–he laughs all the way into his crib), loves to get up in the night to nurse or snuggle (I’m grateful… really I am… just not for these dark circles under my eyes). He is such a funny little guy, my little snuggle-baby.

I secretly hope some of my prayer warriors from when I was carrying Sam are still reading. If you are… do pray for us in this transition. Pray that we would see the bigger picture, see His provision, and continue to find joy in this shaking up.


4 thoughts on “Seasons

  1. Ahhhh…Megan, dear…your words always call me to stop in the middle of swirling “shoulds” and nagging worry to take in the good of what is…to take that breath in the air that God made and rest in the truth of who He is. I love you SO BIG!

  2. So lovely to read what you have been up to – I was reflecting on Psalm 18 just this morning and it bought you to mind. Continuing to pray that you will know His rest and that ‘spacious’ place in the year ahead. Bless you x

  3. I love the new blog layout!
    I have no doubt that you and Steven will come out of these struggles on top. Your determination in every aspect of your life is admirable and I can’t wait to see where God and that determination take you next!

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